Garlic on the Underarms

Do I really look sick? But I’m NOT nor PRETENDING.
Open the eyes, daydream for about thirty minutes, get up from bed, leave the room, walk down the stairs, eat breakfast, face the computer and play games, eat lunch, face the monitor once more then play games. “Huh”. My life sucks. Maybe this things doesn’t really make me sick but they absolutely make me look like one, no need to pretend, no extra effort required.

Let me clear a couple of things, first, I don’t like what’s going on neither I enjoy it. Next, it’s not that I’m not doing anything to improve my current lifestyle. Well in fact, I’ve done all the possible solutions that I could ever think of to make my “summer days” productive. And Lastly, I’m not defensive just sharing.=)
Yeah I’ve made all the possible way out of these senseless and wasted day-to-day activities (if it can really be called activities). I’ve tried to look for a job but unfortunately didn’t qualify for any. After walking under the burning heat of the sun, those companies just told me, “come back when you’re eighteen” with a matching smile. Do they really believe that a 17yrs old girl is less efficient than people 18yrs old and above? But I can’t be silly, I know they’re just following the labor code. Seems like the summer job is not a great idea, no choice of earning MONEY this summer. But it isn’t the only way out of my dilemma. There are still bunch of other things that can mean more than playing computer games and for that I’ve decided to come back to my first love. But it’s not that easy to reconcile with something that you’ve left a long time. I find it hard to draw now. I’m still trying, but my eyes rejections towards my works piss me off. I think art is not the answer for my miseries. *think.think.think* another passion of mine, reading, but not knowledgeable books just story books. Novels, mystery stories, comedy books, articles, anything that soothes my mood or catches my interest. I’m not that choosy when it comes to reading. But unlike drawing, I got limited supplies of books, and I’ve finished all that I have. (If ever you could hand me one, I’ll very much appreciate it.c:) *hands up* “I surrender.” So here I am once again, facing the monitor, and as usual typing anything that visits my neurons. Maybe I’m not really useless at all, I CAN STILL DO BLOGGING and for me, it still makes sense.
Facing the computer all day, just doing anything wrinkles my face, enlarges my eye bugs and brings “haggardness” on my face. But it’s still my choice. It’s still better to pretend busy than to day dream your fantasies all day. In my case, I only do it whenever I run out of choice.

I still thank my alibis. I thank my garlic on the under arms.

Verdict

I wonder, what if pride was never invented? Well if that’s so, it should not have been this way.

Today’s feeling: neutral. It’s only 12 noon but it’s as if I’ve already accomplished all the possible things that could be done. I know that sounds absurd but it’s the reality. So here I find myself again, facing the computer and typing whatever visits my neurons. Frankly speaking, even typing stressed me out as of this moment, for I’ve been sitting here for approximately 15mins already but I still can’t think of anything interesting to put in screen. Well I should be discussing my feelings towards something or shall I say somebody but I can’t help to share what’s happening in me now. I feel so hopeless. It’s as if I’m doomed to fall. I don’t know. I never know. It just seems that everything is so unpredictable. Silly. A while ago I’ve composed a poem. It can be found just below this post. The poem is obviously dramatic as well as this composition is. You must be thinking that I’m lying in the first statement of this paragraph when I stated that my today’s feeling is neutral. Actually, it’s really ironic to say that. But it’s just my opinion. You still can judge me. Besides, I can never prevent anyone in doing so, even if I wish to. Still I apologize for having this kind of blog but let me, I just really need to put these things in letters. Going back, it’s really hard to wait for something without any assurance, but that truth gives spice in it. Ecstasy and suspense are still positive factors of life. In the first place I don’t need any assurance as long as I love what I’m doing. But I still don’t conclude. And I’m not yet closing any door for anything that is yet to come. Yes waiting could be the scenario but there are also bunch of possible scenes that may take place while waiting. I don’t wanna give pressure towards anything or anybody. I believe that if something is for me, it will always end up in my care, maybe not yet by the end of the day but some other day I’m sure it will. Each and every one of us has our own opinions, I just see mine this way. I know I need not to explain anything but I just wanna share. Maybe this answers many of my friends’ questions. I’m just waiting for a friends return but I don’t expect of anything that’s with him the moment he came back, if he’ll ever be. Perhaps I’ll just be glad to see his face once more and that’s all. If ever there’s more, I can never tell. I wanna be still about this. I don’t faith I just hope. Love has always its own way of reaching people and it’s not just always within a girl and a boy relationship. It can be found inside your home, within a relative’s embrace, a friend’s advice or even a stranger’s smile. As of now, I feel so love.

Yes if pride was never invented it should have never been like this. But I believe it’s best this way. For beyond every horizon, things happened for a purpose. :)

TRANCE

Shattered and washed-out
I sat by the foot of the stairs
The music plays on
But it doesn’t moves me

Intensely, thoughts of you still linger
I should have hate this,
Or haven’t should I?
But the feeling brings bliss

In here I find my place
It’s a paradise of love and tranquility
Beyond every reverie of you and me
Conceal thy solitude

Though we’ve never been a reality
I know someday you’ll riposte for me
For I know deep inside of you
I am somebody too

But for now you should exist,
As my paramount anticipation

Obsession

Ice creams. Chocolates. Gadgets. Cool stuffs. Bags. Shoes. Fabulous dresses. Marvelous cars. What’s yours?

There are certain things in this life that I can’t imagine the world turning without them. Sometimes I wonder how Adam and Eve managed to live without ice creams. But what if one day, I woke up and realized that those things were nowhere to be found? I think I’ll die. It’s somehow exaggerated but taking these things out of my system will really make me sick.

Fascination. Passion. Fixation. Craze. Fanaticism. Zeal. OBSESSION. Whatever you may call it. They are those things, hobbies, people that is in you that you won’t like to be taken away for they complete you. And believe me they define you. But how far can those things bring you. For instance, Can you manage to get fat in exchange of a year supply of ice creams? Would you bother to fail your exam for playing DOTA all night? Now, when does a hobby or a thing becomes an obsession? Is it when those things are already controlling you? But mind you, things can never control people, it is still you who are losing control. Most of the people who are obsessed don’t admit it and worse some are aren’t even aware that they are one. Obsession is obviously a negative trait. But when could this thing possibly leads? Well I must say it depends. It is still always better to think of those things that you’ve got, they’re implications, they’re importance and they’re proper use. For you may never know what may happen and what you are loosing.

Now why did I make a post about this? I just wanna share that I am currently obsessed of doing nothing and I damn hate it. But I find no way out, even if I would like to. There’s nothing to be done.:) So I’ve decided to compose an article that would somehow cut my OBSESSION. This may be too corny but I write whatever’s in my mind. And for this time, I would like to shout,* ICECREAM!!!!*

LAHAT NG NAIISIP KO

//Gusto ko sanang ipaling sa kanan ang blog na to pero hindi ko magawa. Pakaliwa kasi ang takbo ng utak ko sa mga sandaling to, kabaliktaran kasi yon.

Kung gumagamit ka ng C++, malamang alam mo na ang dalawang back slash(//) ay terminator na ang ibig sabihin ay ndi na dapat pang basahin ang mga sumusunod.

Bago ko simulan ang kwento ko, nais ko munang linawin ang tatlong bagay. UNA, walang kabuluhan ang unang pangungusap at di mo na yon dapat binasa(na obvious naman gusto ko lang sabihin). Pangalawa, ung sumunod na pangungusap ay tungkol sa unang pangungusap(ovious din). PANGATLO alam kong korni lahat ng pinagsasabe ko at wala ring kwenta ang mga yon, tulad nga ng sabe sa pamagat, LAHAT NG NAIISIP KO, kaya lahat lang talaga to ng pumasok sa isip ko.

Totoo na to. Game.

Kagabe, sa sobrang wala akong magawa kesa sa mag blog ako, naisip ko na lang matulog. Pero nung pahiga na ko sa kama ko, may color blue na box na umagaw ng atensyon ko. Kahon yun (malamang!) na nag lalaman ng mga kung anek anek ko sa buhay. Tumayo ako sa kama hindi para puntahan ung blue box kundi para kumuha ng tubig, at pagkatapos saka ko pinuntahan ung box. Andaming laman. Pero HINDI sila BASURA tulad ng laman ng mga kabinet ko at iba pang mga kahon sa kwarto ko. Mga bigay sila ng kung sino sinong tao.
*Special thanks to the following people::
@Sarah-ung mga loveletters mo saken!grbeh totpul mu talaga!
@Hazel Vilar-ung letter mo b4 grad, nakakatuwa, halatang matalinong tao ka.
@Krisia Cruz-nakakatouch ung letter mo parang may kwenta talaga kong tao. tnx.
@Ronie Aquino-kahit ganyan ka bes, alam ko love mo talaga ko.
@Elvene Eugenio-ilang beses ko din pinanghinayangan na crush mo pala ako dati.:))
@Mark Alvin Santos-dun sa mga papel na winagayway mo sa bintana during grad practice, nakakatats.
@High school friends-sa mga dedication cartolinas at kung anu2 pang anek anek.

Meron ding mga love letters, love notebooks, at kung anu pang remembrance ng kung sino sino. HaAy, namiss ko talaga ang highschool kgabe.
Hindi ko pala nabanggit ung color blue na STAR, actually palawit un ng blingbling na kwintas. haha syempre un ang pinaka espesyal. (Ayiee. Sino kayang nag bigay non? haha!)

FACTS: Korni talaga kong tao at mdrama pa, pero hindi kita pinipilit ni hindi kita inutusan na basahin tong mga sinulat ko, anupaman ang dahilan mo kung bakit mo ko pinag aaksayahan ng panahon, SALAMAT!:)

Andami kong gustong gawin ngayon. Gusto kong mag videoke. Gusto kong mag icecream. Gusto kong manuod ng Movie. gusto kong mag online. Pero kahit pag tambling di ko magawa. Bukod sa wala akong PERA, tinatamad ako.

Andame talagang nagagawa ng PERA sa buhay ng tao, Pwede kang mag shopping, mag swimming, mag out of town kaya, kapag madame kang pera. Dahil sa pera pwede kang maging masama, mabute kaya, pwede ka ding maging makabuluhan o di kaya walang kwentang tao. -wala lang pumasok lang din to sa isip ko. Kasi naman kapag BAKASYON WALANG PERA. *money.money.money:))

Meron akong isang kaibigan, Herbert ang pangalan niya, pero Obet ang tawag namin sakanya, meron siyang worth 2k na bag, pero butas ang medyas niya. Anu kaya ang nagawa sakanya ng pera?

Nag BLOG ako ng ganito.

Hindi dahil:

• Madaming magbabasa. (hindi naman ako sikat)
• Madami kayong matututunan at mapupulot sa blog ko.(wala namang kwenta lahat ng mga pinag sasasabi ko.)
• Kikita ako ng PERA.(wala naman akong napapala dito)

Dahil:

• Gusto ko.
• Trip ko.
• Masaya e.
• Wala akong magawa.
• Nababato ako.

Binabasa mo ang BLOG ko kahit korni at walang kwenta.
Una sa lahat tulad nga ng sabe ko hindi naman ako sikat. Boring yung mga sinasabe ko at nakakatawa lang ako, alam ko madameng nag sasabe at nakakaisip nyan. Pero ikaw bakit ka umabot dito? ang haba haba na ng post na to at dapat kanina ka pa nabadtrip saken. Siguro naiisip mo din na wala akong originality. Sa totoo lang pinag sama sama ko lang ung style ng mga writer ng mga nabasa ko sa style ng pag susulat ko eh. OO NA wala akong originality. Eh ano? Madrama din ako(obvious?). Pero binabasa mo parin ang blog ko, interesado ka cguro saken o di kaya mahalaga ako sayo o mas okay, mahal mo ko kaya pinagtyatyagaan mo ko, kung wala ka sa nabanggit, baka natutuwa ka lang sa blog ko(mas malabo un), o di naman kaya wala ka lang magawa, o pumapatay ka din ng oras tulad ko. watever.

Wish list:
*Sana mag text na ung kaibigan kong pumunta ng PMA.
*Sana magbago isip nya at sa NEU nalang siya ulet mag aral. :))
*Sana magka pera ako.

-Pasensya na. Kasama lang talaga yan sa LAHAT NG NAISIP KO.