Sa Aking Pagdalaw

In English: In my visit.

Madalas naman talaga akong pag kamalan. Minsan super model, minsan celebrity, minsan anghel, minsan diwata, minsan Dyosa (oops tama na korni na) pero this time ibang level to, promise!

Thursday ako umuwi ng bahay galing dorm, matutulog sana ko pero nag teks ang aking ina. Ayon sakanya pumunta daw ako sa eskwelahan ng kapatid ko at panuorin ko sya sa pag sasayaw nya sa kanilang CHRISTMAS program, muse daw siya e. Napaisip tuloy ako, uso na pala ang muse sa mga Christmas program, iba na talaga ang henerasyon ngayon.
Apat na kanto lang ang layo ng skul ng kapatid ko sa bahay namen kung medyo masipag sipag ka pwede mong lakarin. Cge pupunta ko bukod sa malapit lang ang skul nila Chuchay, palayaw namen sa bunso kong kapatid, e gusto ko din talaga siyang mapanuod, mag muse? sumayaw. Makikita ako ng mga dati kong titsher na hindi ko na dinalaw simula nung grumaduate ako ng elementary. Pero naka oo na ako sa aking ina, bahala na si spongebob.

7:30am daw ung start ng program, pangatlo daw mag peperform sila Chuchay. Tineks ako ng ina ko ng 9am pero dahil naligo pa ako at nag bihis ng madalian at nag special na traysikel na para maka abot sa sayaw ng kapatid ko umabot ako 10am nakarating ako sa skul nila tamang tama lang nasa stage na ang kapatid ko sumasayaw, umikot, at nag bow, tapos na. Todo palakpak ako ang galing ng kapatid ko, takbo ako sa gilid ng stage..

Ako: CHUUUCHHHAYY!!
Chuchay: ate! pinanuod mo ako?
Ako: *oo, napanuod kitang mag bow chuchay.* oo naman! ang galing manang mana kay ate!
*nag apir kame*

Nanuod pa kame ng ibang nagperform. Andun si Jollibee, sigawan ang mga bata pag labas nya, pero nung nag sasayaw na siya sa stage parang mas naaliw pa ung mga bata sa baklang kasama niya, un lang di naka costume ung bading.
Tapos na ang program. “Hay natapos nadin.”-sabe ng katabi kong di ko kilala pero di din un estudyante. “Ay tapos naba?bilis naman”-sabe ko. “napansin mo?nagteteks ka lang naman buong program”-ndi niya yan sinabe, nararamdaman ko lang na yan ang iniisip niya.

Ako: MAMA!! di pa ba tayo uuwi?
Ina ko: Ndi mo ba dadalawin mga titcher mo? si Sir Voven parate kang hinahanaap.
Ako: *Siiir VhovhEn?* Ah. si sir boben! geh kaw bahala.
Bago pa ko makalapit kay Sir e naharang na ko ng mga mapanuksong tingin ni Mrs.Hekasi 4,
Ako: maam! musta na po? naaalala nyo pa ako???
Mrs. Hekasi 4: *ndi ako pinansin nakatingin kay chuchay* Anak mo????
Ako: *na SHOCK* huwaaaat! loko kayo maam ha! sos maryoseppp KAPATID KO YAN! lapastangan kayo. mukha na ba akong may anak????????????
-pero syempre JOKE lang yon. dahil sa kabaitan ko eto ang relax na relax kong nasabe.
Ako: maam hindi maaam. Kapatid ko po yan, bunso.
Mrs. Hekasi 4: AHH. May bunso pa pala kayo. akala ko kasi si face na ang bunso. haha!
(nag kwentuhan pa kami ng 2mins tapos..)
Mrs. Hekasi 4: Sige LANCE kaawaan ka ng Diyos! mag aral mabuti ha.
Ako: *speechless..”okay spongebob!”*

Mag dadalawang isip na sana akong lapitan si sir pero parang may nag uudyok saken gawin yon. (yes.anlalim!). nahirapan ako makalapit kay sir dahil nakaupo siya sa kalagitnaan ng lahat ng nandon na nanunuod. di padin siya nag babago. malayo pa lang ako natanaw na niya ko pero cguro hinintay ko siya ng mga 6mins.

Sir HEKASI 6: uiiiiiiiiiiii BEAUTIPOOOOL!
Ako: helo sir! musta na po, gwapo padin!
Sir HEKASI 6: napaka ganda mo padin.
--matapos ang walong minutong pag bobolahan at 3 minutong pag kakamustahan.
Sir HEKASI 6: natutuwa talaga akong Makita ang paborito kong estudyante of all seasons. Mag aral kang mabuti LANCE ha!
Ako: *frustrated.”anak ng..”* *sir alam kong naging advisory mo c Lance at mas latest mo siyang naging estudyante, pero mas CLOSE tayo remember???sobrang close kaya naten sir*
Sir HEKASI 6: *kaya pala ndi mo na ako dinalaw after graduation*

Nasa isip lang namen lahat yon. Alam ko lang. pero ang totoo ngiti lang ang isinagot ko sa “mag aral mabute LANCE!”. Napaisip tuloy ako, ako nga kaya ang paborito niya? hay napakibit balikat naman ako dun. *medyo sad face*
Pagkatalikod na pagkatalikod ko kay Sir, nakita ko si Mrs. Grade4 at si Ms. Filipino 6. nakatingin sila saken kaya no choice ako alam nyo na..

Ako: MAAAAM! *nag.bless*
Mrs. Grade 4: May asawa ka na??
Ako: *cge lang maam* wala po! wala nga akong jowa eh. *bigyan mo ko maam*
Mrs. Filipino: nakita kita nung isang lingo e may kasama ka eh ang sweet sweet nyo pa nga eh.
AKo: saan maam?
Mrs. Filipino: diyan lang sa tabi2.
Ako: *halatang imbento, naka dorm kaya ako, umuuwi lang ako sa pasig para matulog kumaen at sumamba.* baka naman po kamukha ko lang, malamig nga ang PASKHOO ko maam eh.

*75% kamustahan + 25%bolahan = 9mins*

Mrs. Grade 4: Cge Lark mag ingat ha. wag muna mag aasawa.
Haay buti naman tinawag niya ko sa pangalan ko, bumawi lang siya dun sa may asawa. Pero mabuti nadin walang napag kamalan akong buntis, kundi baka naiyak talaga ko. Feeling ko nawabasan ng 5% ang self confidence ko.
Nakita at nakausap ko pa si Mrs. Grade 5 pero wala masyadong ikwekwento, parang ni ndi siya gaanong natuwang nakita ako. parang konti lang. atleast di na nya nadagdagan ung 5%.

Bago kami umuwi narinig ko si sir HEKASI, napakalakas ng boses niya,
Sir HEKASI: Nakita mo din si lark? napaka ganda niya noh? DAALAAGAA na!
Ui nadagdagan ng 3% ung confidence ko bale 98% na siya ulet. thanks padin kay sir 2% lang ang inalis niya kanina pero 3% ang binalik niya. Bilang ganti ndi talaga ako umalis don hanggat di niya ko napapansin.

Sir: ui andyan ka pala. (totoong di niya talaga ako napansin, peksman!)
Ako: hehe.
*hinatid niya kami sa sakayan*
AKo: Bye sir di padin kayo tumatanda! walang pag babago poging pogi paden! *bow*

Nag yabang pa ng onte si sir bago niya pinaalis yung tricycle.
umandar ang tricycle.

“Sige na. Hindi naman talaga ako nag sisising pumunta ako don. Atleast.”

Garlic on the Underarms

Do I really look sick? But I’m NOT nor PRETENDING.
Open the eyes, daydream for about thirty minutes, get up from bed, leave the room, walk down the stairs, eat breakfast, face the computer and play games, eat lunch, face the monitor once more then play games. “Huh”. My life sucks. Maybe this things doesn’t really make me sick but they absolutely make me look like one, no need to pretend, no extra effort required.

Let me clear a couple of things, first, I don’t like what’s going on neither I enjoy it. Next, it’s not that I’m not doing anything to improve my current lifestyle. Well in fact, I’ve done all the possible solutions that I could ever think of to make my “summer days” productive. And Lastly, I’m not defensive just sharing.=)
Yeah I’ve made all the possible way out of these senseless and wasted day-to-day activities (if it can really be called activities). I’ve tried to look for a job but unfortunately didn’t qualify for any. After walking under the burning heat of the sun, those companies just told me, “come back when you’re eighteen” with a matching smile. Do they really believe that a 17yrs old girl is less efficient than people 18yrs old and above? But I can’t be silly, I know they’re just following the labor code. Seems like the summer job is not a great idea, no choice of earning MONEY this summer. But it isn’t the only way out of my dilemma. There are still bunch of other things that can mean more than playing computer games and for that I’ve decided to come back to my first love. But it’s not that easy to reconcile with something that you’ve left a long time. I find it hard to draw now. I’m still trying, but my eyes rejections towards my works piss me off. I think art is not the answer for my miseries. *think.think.think* another passion of mine, reading, but not knowledgeable books just story books. Novels, mystery stories, comedy books, articles, anything that soothes my mood or catches my interest. I’m not that choosy when it comes to reading. But unlike drawing, I got limited supplies of books, and I’ve finished all that I have. (If ever you could hand me one, I’ll very much appreciate it.c:) *hands up* “I surrender.” So here I am once again, facing the monitor, and as usual typing anything that visits my neurons. Maybe I’m not really useless at all, I CAN STILL DO BLOGGING and for me, it still makes sense.
Facing the computer all day, just doing anything wrinkles my face, enlarges my eye bugs and brings “haggardness” on my face. But it’s still my choice. It’s still better to pretend busy than to day dream your fantasies all day. In my case, I only do it whenever I run out of choice.

I still thank my alibis. I thank my garlic on the under arms.

Verdict

I wonder, what if pride was never invented? Well if that’s so, it should not have been this way.

Today’s feeling: neutral. It’s only 12 noon but it’s as if I’ve already accomplished all the possible things that could be done. I know that sounds absurd but it’s the reality. So here I find myself again, facing the computer and typing whatever visits my neurons. Frankly speaking, even typing stressed me out as of this moment, for I’ve been sitting here for approximately 15mins already but I still can’t think of anything interesting to put in screen. Well I should be discussing my feelings towards something or shall I say somebody but I can’t help to share what’s happening in me now. I feel so hopeless. It’s as if I’m doomed to fall. I don’t know. I never know. It just seems that everything is so unpredictable. Silly. A while ago I’ve composed a poem. It can be found just below this post. The poem is obviously dramatic as well as this composition is. You must be thinking that I’m lying in the first statement of this paragraph when I stated that my today’s feeling is neutral. Actually, it’s really ironic to say that. But it’s just my opinion. You still can judge me. Besides, I can never prevent anyone in doing so, even if I wish to. Still I apologize for having this kind of blog but let me, I just really need to put these things in letters. Going back, it’s really hard to wait for something without any assurance, but that truth gives spice in it. Ecstasy and suspense are still positive factors of life. In the first place I don’t need any assurance as long as I love what I’m doing. But I still don’t conclude. And I’m not yet closing any door for anything that is yet to come. Yes waiting could be the scenario but there are also bunch of possible scenes that may take place while waiting. I don’t wanna give pressure towards anything or anybody. I believe that if something is for me, it will always end up in my care, maybe not yet by the end of the day but some other day I’m sure it will. Each and every one of us has our own opinions, I just see mine this way. I know I need not to explain anything but I just wanna share. Maybe this answers many of my friends’ questions. I’m just waiting for a friends return but I don’t expect of anything that’s with him the moment he came back, if he’ll ever be. Perhaps I’ll just be glad to see his face once more and that’s all. If ever there’s more, I can never tell. I wanna be still about this. I don’t faith I just hope. Love has always its own way of reaching people and it’s not just always within a girl and a boy relationship. It can be found inside your home, within a relative’s embrace, a friend’s advice or even a stranger’s smile. As of now, I feel so love.

Yes if pride was never invented it should have never been like this. But I believe it’s best this way. For beyond every horizon, things happened for a purpose. :)

TRANCE

Shattered and washed-out
I sat by the foot of the stairs
The music plays on
But it doesn’t moves me

Intensely, thoughts of you still linger
I should have hate this,
Or haven’t should I?
But the feeling brings bliss

In here I find my place
It’s a paradise of love and tranquility
Beyond every reverie of you and me
Conceal thy solitude

Though we’ve never been a reality
I know someday you’ll riposte for me
For I know deep inside of you
I am somebody too

But for now you should exist,
As my paramount anticipation

Obsession

Ice creams. Chocolates. Gadgets. Cool stuffs. Bags. Shoes. Fabulous dresses. Marvelous cars. What’s yours?

There are certain things in this life that I can’t imagine the world turning without them. Sometimes I wonder how Adam and Eve managed to live without ice creams. But what if one day, I woke up and realized that those things were nowhere to be found? I think I’ll die. It’s somehow exaggerated but taking these things out of my system will really make me sick.

Fascination. Passion. Fixation. Craze. Fanaticism. Zeal. OBSESSION. Whatever you may call it. They are those things, hobbies, people that is in you that you won’t like to be taken away for they complete you. And believe me they define you. But how far can those things bring you. For instance, Can you manage to get fat in exchange of a year supply of ice creams? Would you bother to fail your exam for playing DOTA all night? Now, when does a hobby or a thing becomes an obsession? Is it when those things are already controlling you? But mind you, things can never control people, it is still you who are losing control. Most of the people who are obsessed don’t admit it and worse some are aren’t even aware that they are one. Obsession is obviously a negative trait. But when could this thing possibly leads? Well I must say it depends. It is still always better to think of those things that you’ve got, they’re implications, they’re importance and they’re proper use. For you may never know what may happen and what you are loosing.

Now why did I make a post about this? I just wanna share that I am currently obsessed of doing nothing and I damn hate it. But I find no way out, even if I would like to. There’s nothing to be done.:) So I’ve decided to compose an article that would somehow cut my OBSESSION. This may be too corny but I write whatever’s in my mind. And for this time, I would like to shout,* ICECREAM!!!!*

LAHAT NG NAIISIP KO

//Gusto ko sanang ipaling sa kanan ang blog na to pero hindi ko magawa. Pakaliwa kasi ang takbo ng utak ko sa mga sandaling to, kabaliktaran kasi yon.

Kung gumagamit ka ng C++, malamang alam mo na ang dalawang back slash(//) ay terminator na ang ibig sabihin ay ndi na dapat pang basahin ang mga sumusunod.

Bago ko simulan ang kwento ko, nais ko munang linawin ang tatlong bagay. UNA, walang kabuluhan ang unang pangungusap at di mo na yon dapat binasa(na obvious naman gusto ko lang sabihin). Pangalawa, ung sumunod na pangungusap ay tungkol sa unang pangungusap(ovious din). PANGATLO alam kong korni lahat ng pinagsasabe ko at wala ring kwenta ang mga yon, tulad nga ng sabe sa pamagat, LAHAT NG NAIISIP KO, kaya lahat lang talaga to ng pumasok sa isip ko.

Totoo na to. Game.

Kagabe, sa sobrang wala akong magawa kesa sa mag blog ako, naisip ko na lang matulog. Pero nung pahiga na ko sa kama ko, may color blue na box na umagaw ng atensyon ko. Kahon yun (malamang!) na nag lalaman ng mga kung anek anek ko sa buhay. Tumayo ako sa kama hindi para puntahan ung blue box kundi para kumuha ng tubig, at pagkatapos saka ko pinuntahan ung box. Andaming laman. Pero HINDI sila BASURA tulad ng laman ng mga kabinet ko at iba pang mga kahon sa kwarto ko. Mga bigay sila ng kung sino sinong tao.
*Special thanks to the following people::
@Sarah-ung mga loveletters mo saken!grbeh totpul mu talaga!
@Hazel Vilar-ung letter mo b4 grad, nakakatuwa, halatang matalinong tao ka.
@Krisia Cruz-nakakatouch ung letter mo parang may kwenta talaga kong tao. tnx.
@Ronie Aquino-kahit ganyan ka bes, alam ko love mo talaga ko.
@Elvene Eugenio-ilang beses ko din pinanghinayangan na crush mo pala ako dati.:))
@Mark Alvin Santos-dun sa mga papel na winagayway mo sa bintana during grad practice, nakakatats.
@High school friends-sa mga dedication cartolinas at kung anu2 pang anek anek.

Meron ding mga love letters, love notebooks, at kung anu pang remembrance ng kung sino sino. HaAy, namiss ko talaga ang highschool kgabe.
Hindi ko pala nabanggit ung color blue na STAR, actually palawit un ng blingbling na kwintas. haha syempre un ang pinaka espesyal. (Ayiee. Sino kayang nag bigay non? haha!)

FACTS: Korni talaga kong tao at mdrama pa, pero hindi kita pinipilit ni hindi kita inutusan na basahin tong mga sinulat ko, anupaman ang dahilan mo kung bakit mo ko pinag aaksayahan ng panahon, SALAMAT!:)

Andami kong gustong gawin ngayon. Gusto kong mag videoke. Gusto kong mag icecream. Gusto kong manuod ng Movie. gusto kong mag online. Pero kahit pag tambling di ko magawa. Bukod sa wala akong PERA, tinatamad ako.

Andame talagang nagagawa ng PERA sa buhay ng tao, Pwede kang mag shopping, mag swimming, mag out of town kaya, kapag madame kang pera. Dahil sa pera pwede kang maging masama, mabute kaya, pwede ka ding maging makabuluhan o di kaya walang kwentang tao. -wala lang pumasok lang din to sa isip ko. Kasi naman kapag BAKASYON WALANG PERA. *money.money.money:))

Meron akong isang kaibigan, Herbert ang pangalan niya, pero Obet ang tawag namin sakanya, meron siyang worth 2k na bag, pero butas ang medyas niya. Anu kaya ang nagawa sakanya ng pera?

Nag BLOG ako ng ganito.

Hindi dahil:

• Madaming magbabasa. (hindi naman ako sikat)
• Madami kayong matututunan at mapupulot sa blog ko.(wala namang kwenta lahat ng mga pinag sasasabi ko.)
• Kikita ako ng PERA.(wala naman akong napapala dito)

Dahil:

• Gusto ko.
• Trip ko.
• Masaya e.
• Wala akong magawa.
• Nababato ako.

Binabasa mo ang BLOG ko kahit korni at walang kwenta.
Una sa lahat tulad nga ng sabe ko hindi naman ako sikat. Boring yung mga sinasabe ko at nakakatawa lang ako, alam ko madameng nag sasabe at nakakaisip nyan. Pero ikaw bakit ka umabot dito? ang haba haba na ng post na to at dapat kanina ka pa nabadtrip saken. Siguro naiisip mo din na wala akong originality. Sa totoo lang pinag sama sama ko lang ung style ng mga writer ng mga nabasa ko sa style ng pag susulat ko eh. OO NA wala akong originality. Eh ano? Madrama din ako(obvious?). Pero binabasa mo parin ang blog ko, interesado ka cguro saken o di kaya mahalaga ako sayo o mas okay, mahal mo ko kaya pinagtyatyagaan mo ko, kung wala ka sa nabanggit, baka natutuwa ka lang sa blog ko(mas malabo un), o di naman kaya wala ka lang magawa, o pumapatay ka din ng oras tulad ko. watever.

Wish list:
*Sana mag text na ung kaibigan kong pumunta ng PMA.
*Sana magbago isip nya at sa NEU nalang siya ulet mag aral. :))
*Sana magka pera ako.

-Pasensya na. Kasama lang talaga yan sa LAHAT NG NAISIP KO.

I miss her like crazy.

But I am really crazy. Or am I not?

VAIN – is how I describe myself. NUMB –is how I define my life. WASTED – is how everything goes. A UNIVERSAL INVERTER – is how she means to me.

Today is a sunny day?, the same kind of day where I first happen to talk to her. I met her in those days where my life is going really worthless. I spend nights and days doing nothing unusual. Sorrows after sorrows. Trials after trials. Exhausted and worn-out is how I describe myself during those days of my life. Going back, the heat of the sun and the humidity of the air is the foundation of our friendship. For our first real conversation happen in front of our dressing room’s electric fan. I went there to have some air while she was drying her hair. From that we’ve talked about how we arrive at the same church for she was a transferee. Then I also share my short stories. From that on whenever we see each other we wave each other sweet hellos. But we became closer because we have a common friend name Jenna. As simple as that we started sharing stories and I made it a habit to follow her whenever she was there, then we became best friends. I can no longer recall how did it exactly happen, but I know it didn’t take long.

She’s my crying shoulder, my number one fan who believes in me, my sister, my extended family, not only her, her two older sisters also treat me as their own siblings. She listens in my non ending love stories. She laughs at my senseless jokes. She cries with me over my miseries. And slaps me on the face about my foolishness. Because of her I learned to let go, I learned to forget, I learned to move on, I learned to cry, I learned to be happy, I learned to love whole heartedly. Because of her I learned live and I’ve learned life. Because of her I was able to learn and unlearn things. And now I’m missing her.

“Give a man a fish and you feed her for a day, Taught a man how to fish and you feed her for life.” What she taught me is for a life time. And I’ll cherish it till my last breath.

She’s my sweet heart, my best friend, my special some one, my LAARNI. And now, I miss her like crazy.

Opus

I entered the room empty
One by one they pile loads in me
Of what I am now
Is what they install

I was lying in my bed half-awake
Then they come near,
Sang me songs of life,
And relay me stories of town

They taught me ABC's,
Hear my first love story,
Laughed on my farces,
And cried over my heartbreaks.

Their influence was really vast,
Everything will truly last,
For nothing can ever be compare
In all those things we've shared

They hold me, mold me, and finally let go of me, and now I’m missing them,
But missing is far different from forgetting, Cause here in my heart, is where they’ll forever stay.

This is not about LOVE♥

This is not about LOVE


I saw him. He’s near. He’s tender. He’s affectionate. He’s sincere. He held her hands. He drew her closer. And I watched them as they vanished through the path.
This is not about LOVE.

Whenever I compose something may it be a poem, an essay, a short story, a feature, I always put my heart in it. Ofcourse. But if you’ll read all my outputs an ingredient is permanently present, there is always a touch of this so-called LOVE. It’s not because I’m always in love. I just have this own instinct that I’ll catch more of people’s interest if my topic will somehow be related to the el-ow-vi-ii thing, for I only expect students, teenagers, friends, and acquaintances to waste their time reading my works?. It add spice in my composition, it brings life and it makes it more interesting. Just like when I published my own love story in this site, I got so many reactions and comments, from friends even from strangers. I don’t know why but I suppose people are move whenever there is a presence of love, especially when they can relate. But could I possibly publish an interesting composition excluding love from it?
Now, This is not about LOVE.

He wraped his arms around her shoulder. He turned her body facing his. He looked her on the eyes then thoughtfully thumbs through her hair. Now, would you believe me if I tell you it’s not about love?
Yeah, This is not about LOVE.

She cried in my shoulder while cursing every single detail about him. With over flowing emotion, she whispered to my ear, “If only I could turn back time, I wont even waste a single moment looking at his face.” But let me tell you this is not about love.
Mind you, This is not about LOVE.

There’s a deep silence. It’s about an hour now. Still, no one wants to talk. He looked at her in the most affectionate way he can. But still he doesn’t mind. She really doesn’t wanna talk, neither he. And they will never. Could you believe? This is not about love. Still not about love.
Eventhough, This is not about LOVE.
He carefully watched them, as he held her hands and kissed her on the chick. Tears fell from his eyes. He used to be the one doing it with her. But not anymore. But he is crying not because of love. No, not about love.
Once more, This is not about LOVE.


THIS IS NOT ABOUT LOVE.
Yes it’s not. It’s more of other things.


He doesn’t cry for love, but for REGRETS.
They don’t talk not because of love, but because of PRIDE.
She doesn’t curse due to love, perhaps due to hatred.
He’s not affectionate because of love, but because of strong admiration.
And the first one is not about love, it’s more of friendship since they were best friends.

But what are the regrets for? Isn’t it because he still loves her?
Where is the pride coming from? Isn’t it from the two loving couples?
Why does hatred developed? Maybe because she loves her and he cheated.
What is the sum of admiration plus affection and attachment? Won’t it be Love?
And what’s within friendship?

Now tell me, could I possibly compose something excluding love from it? when everything includes love. Politics is love. Love for your people. Science is love, love for existing things. Poverty talks about love. Gambling is love, it’s a dangerous love for material things. Sports is love, it’s for ones health and happiness. ETC.
This is not about LOVE. This can be “not about love”. Maybe the el-ow-vi-ii a guy may feel for the girl or vice versa. Maybe the kind of romantic love couples are sharing. But the universal love? It can never be excluded.

I was lying when I told you that ‘This is not about LOVE’. But in fact, this is ALL ABOUT LOVE.

The full version of ABOUT ME.

Me, Myself and I

Rushing things is never easy. But the statement can sum up everything about my life. I rush almost 75% of my daily life and sometimes even worst, it depends upon the circumstances and upon my MOOD.

I eat. I drink. I sleep. I lie at some points. I linger a lot. I sing. I dance. I ACT. I cry sometimes. I play. I study if necessary or shall I say if I find no way out. I talk a lot. I write. I SHARE. And finally I LIVE. --And I rush it.

I am attached. Attached to almost everything that surrounds me. I love and enjoy the feeling of attachment. I love it whenever people drew their selves near me. I consider every close acquaintance as friends. And I cherish every friend that I do have. And I don’t choose one - not so sure if it’s a great idea. For all the friends I got, one thing is common about them. I am attached.

Paranoid. the word that best suits me. More than jerk does. More than pervert does. More than insane does. And more than any other positive or negative adjective that can ever pop up in your mind at this very moment. I hate it. But it’s not my choice. It’s my fate. And sad to say, I can’t do anything about it.

My life is constant ups and downs. Often times wasted, more often in a mess. But I’m proud to tell every soul that will ever happen to run their eyes through this text that MY LIFE DOES HAVE A PURPOSE. Yeah it’s often wasted but not at all times. It’s often in a mess but when it’s doing great, it’s tremendous. Even if I’m LIKE THIS, I do believe that I am not just an additional living individual that only contributes in the world’s population. Well, not asking, my purpose in life is to be SOMEBODY. I want to make a change.

One place I love most. On the stage. Before every audiences’ sight and attention. I love the feeling whenever I affect my people, whenever I touch their hearts and whenever I influence.
I hate LOVE. But I love a lot. Maybe it’s not really the love thing that I hate but its factors and consequences.
I’m not an EMO, just truly expressive or shall I say FULL OF DRAMA.

--UNDER CONSTRUCTION

at tulad nga ng sabe ko,

itutuloy ko ang blog na to.

pero medyo papalitan ko na ang theme at atmosphere.

ayoko na ng emo at msyadong madramang mga kwetuhan.

haha!

sana sa gagawin kong to dumami ang viewer ng blog ko.

hindi ko alam kung ano ba talagang nag uudyok saken mag blog ngayong napaka tamad kong tao, at hindi lang ako tamad, hindi ko man gustohin, busy ako, oo BUSYing tao.

sana matuloy tong plano ko at hindi mauwe sa puro plano lang, tulad nd ibang mga pina plano ko.

natutuwa kasi talaga ako kapag kahit ganitong isang hamak na estudyante lang ako e may mga tao palang naaliw sa blog ko. kapag may nag sabeng, "ui lark, nabasa ko ung blog mo aa, ASTEEG!" eh daig ko pa ang naka perfect ng 100items quiz, no calculator at no solution, no credit, right minus wrong pa. kahit sa totoo lang isa palang ang nagagawa kong blog sa buong buhay ko at hindi naman ganon kadami ang admirers non.

madrama talaga at makwento akong tao kahit sa personal, alam yan ng lahat ng mga kainigan ko.

minsan nga sa ingay ko eh madalas makayamot ako, madalas din na hindi na makapagsalita ang kausap ko sa dami ng kwento ko. dito sa pagsusulat ko eh ako lang ang nakakadaldal, matatapos muna ko at masasabi ko lahat ng gusto ko sabihin bago kayo makapag comment.

namiss ko talaga ang pagsusulat. Campus journalist kasi ako simula nung elementary pa pati nung high school, un nga lang nawala ang momentum ko nung college, bukod sa pag hohost, pag peperform sa theatres namiss ko ang paghawak ng ballpen at pag iisip ng malamim mapa pag alala sa mga nakaraang pang yayari, pang bobola ng mga tao o di naman kaya pag iimbento ng mga kwentong barbero. oo nako, certefied barbero ako! haha!

mapa english man mapa tagalog, writing has always been my fashion, kahit sanay ako magsalita at natutuwa akong gawin yon, iba parin kapag papel o di kaya monitor lang muna ang kausap ko, malayo sa mapang husgang ewan ng mga tao.

sabe ko hindi na ko mag dradrama eh!

baket andrama ko paden???

wala na ata akong pag asa eh.

haha!

sana dumami pa ang nag babasa ng blog ko.

sana madami pa kong makilala dahil dito,

gusto kong magkwento ng magkwento ng tungkol sa buhay ko o kahit ano2.

kahit parang wala akong napapala sa ginagawa ko, meron kaya!!

SANA MAGING SIKAT NA BLOGGER AKO.

joke! biro lang!

ayoko ngang sumikat!
haha!

mas gusto ko ung mga simpleng tao lang ang mga humuhusga ng gawa ko, para hindi masyado mataas expectations, kasi hindi naman talaga ako magaling, minsan nga wrong grammar pa kahit filipino na. gusto ko lang talaga na nakakaapekto ako mula sa mga gawa ko, kasi pakiramdam ko effective ako. dito sa blog ko, AKO ANG BIDA, ako ang tama, ako ang batas, sasabihin ko lahat ng gusto ko, walang makakakontra, walang wrong grammar, redundant phrase at malicious sentences.

o pano, hanggang sa muli.

sa mga taong naniniwala saken, (sa mga pambobola ko)

well wish me luck!

hindi nyo lang alam kung gano kalaki na kocontribute nyo sa buhay ko.

sabe sainyo eh, wala na kong pag asa,

MADRAMA talaga!

PS.

add nyo ko sa fb:)

Serendipity

I can no longer recall when and where did it all exactly started. All I know is that one day it occurred in me.


I met him in the midst of those days where I take life daily for it’s a must, nothing to cherish, nothing to be thankful for, nothing to drag on too long. Although I’ve known him before, he was never the admiring type for me, nothing in him that caught my attention. He was nothing but a familiar face. Until that day that a coincidence happened where I learned that my best friend was also his friend, seeing a familiar face, I add him up on my friends list, on my online account. But fate brings us closer, another friend of mine, who was by this time his close friend, told me that this guy likes me. But still it doesn’t stir my emotion. It just gave me a reason to be kind before him. But I guess I’ve belittled fate. The day that I’m asking the one above to give me strength to finally leave everything about my past behind was also the day that we first happened to have a real conversation, making me realize sort of interesting things about him. From that talk I learned that I wasn’t the only one who was left behind by the dreary game of life. Just like me, right before my eyes was a man who also underwent a tragic ending also found it hard to move on. Due to that, we conclude that we will be needing each other, so we agree to help. As simple as that I let this man enter my life without even thinking what may happen next. Perhaps by that moment all I’m thinking is the fact that I need someone like him who’ll understand me because of his own situation.

I need him. He needs me. Then we have each other.

Time flies, we get more intimate with one another. But I never realize that as I find ways to comfort him, my heart also find ways to open its door for some one to get in. It last for several weeks. Everything went smoothly, as what I expected it to be. Till one day, I realized that I’m lost, lost under his spell. All I’ve found is myself deeply in love with this man. Things grew more seriously than I had imagined. So we’ve decide to settle it down by starting from clearing our past. Since everything started from our eagerness to move on from our former relationships, he’d decided to finally face his past and forget everything about them. November 16, 2007—I’ve decide to officially make him mine. Everything was almost perfect, until couple of months later, issues from outside forces began to arouse, turning my fairytale like love story into an illusive dream of having a happily ever after. It’s against the will so we’ve decided to part ways for the mean time. I was the first one to surrender the fight, but I have my reasons. Couple of months past, missing him was all that I’ve done. Until I woke up one day that I could no longer sustain it. But I have to. I know I have to. I just realize something, in those moments that we were together, I definitely became unfair to him because while he had given up everything for me, It wasn’t really me at all. It could be me physically, or me as I intend to be but I have never really given my whole to him. It was nobody but a girl who was loving someone but is still living in the shadow of his past, full of pain, full of regret, afraid and scared. I’ve realized that I became unfair for not giving him myself as whole as I supposed to be. So I wanna make it up to him. But then, a news stops everything, I’ve learned that he already found another “someone”, which breaks me into pieces. Although he explained everything, telling me that I’m still the one who holds his heart, It just worsen things. Because of that I find it harder it harder to decide, leaving me clueless of the right things to be done. But still I have to make my choice. And for my decision, I’ve choose to give myself time and space. So I exit the scene for one more time. I rest myself, think things over and make decisions. That all happened for the span of five months. But if fate seems to be good for me at the beginning, is it also that crucial? The moment I was totally ready to face him back was also the moment I’ve learned that I’m too late. He knows what I mean. But this time, I failed to surpass it. Having him around takes me my strength, drops me out of my mind, and makes me heartless. His presence melts me and tears me up, making me unrecognized even my own self. So I end up trapped in a situation I hate most but find no way out. But I did, at least for a short period of time, I’ve pulled myself out of my unconsciousness.

Today was his birthday. I don’t even have any idea of what possibly is he doing by now. Does he knows how hard I do think of him all through out this day? That no matter how I try, I can’t escape this thoughts.
Do I enter his thoughts even for a second everyday as he does into mine? These are the questions I’m always clueless for the answer.

Even though I got used to live everyday even without him, if ever I’ll be dying tomorrow and God will grant me my last 24hrs to be with someone I wanna spend my last day with, it will still be him. J
First one hour)) I’ll go into your house and ask you to be with me for the whole day. (It’s now or never, But I’ll never let you know the real reason)
------
(23hrs remaining)
Next one hour)) If ever you agree to come with me, we will go the nearest computer shop and have a chat while setting side to side. (I wanna feel the moment we first happened to have a real conversation)
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(22hrs remaining)
Next two hour)) We will go to “rainforest” the place we happen to have our fist dateJ (I wanna have a picknick in the grass)
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(21hrs remaining)
Next 30 mins))We’ll go to SM Marikina through LRT J
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(20hrs&30mins remaining)
Next 3hrs)) We’ll play at the arcade. (I’ll get the biggest stuffed toy in the machine for you, as what I have promised before)
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(17hrs and 30mins remaining)]
Next 30 mins)) We’ll visit tronix— that’s a photo studio that can be found inside the mall, we’ll take picture and I’ll ask you to have it portrait as your gift for my next birthday.
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(17hrs remaining)
Next 1hr)) We’ll eat at KFC J (I want many catsup)
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(16hrs remaining)
Next 3hrs)) We’ll watch a movie together. (A comedy movie)
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(13hrs remaining)
Next 2hrs)) I’ll bring you home and cook a dish for you. (See? I keep my promise.J and I want u to have it before I leave)
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(11hrs remaining)
Next 2hrs)) I’ll bring you to a place where there’s only you and me, and no one can hear us. I’ll ask you to shout with me. Shout everything you wanna say. Shout it to the world. (Some people find it too kornii but It’s a form of yoga, its good for one’s health and it gives people a relax and wonderful feeling)
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(9hrs remaining)
Next 3hrs)) We’ll do star gazing, and we’ll chat for 3hours, regardless of the topic. I’ll even tell you my favorite stories)
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(6hrs remaining)
Next 5hrs)) We’ll sleep together.
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(1hr left)
Next 20mins)) We’ll watch the sunrise.
Next 10mins)) I’ll tell you how much you give meaning, color and happiness to my life.
Next 10mins)) I’ll sing for you our favorite songs.
Next 10mins)) I’ll tell you that I’m finally giving you to her. And my last wish will be for the two of you to stay happy together .
Next 5mins)) I’ll ask you to promise me never to cry for whatever happens next, and to do your best to have a happy life even without me.
Next 4mins)) I’ll ask you to sing me a song.
Next 30 secs)) I’ll thank you.
And for the last 30secs)) I’ll ask you to kiss me.
Why do I think about these kinds of things right now? I never really know. All I know is I’m finally letting him go.
May 30, 2009..
I’m leaving him. I don’t know what to say. But I don’t want you to wait for me. For whatever reason, I’m not so sure if I’ll be coming back.
It’s fate that crossed our paths and binds us together. Will it also give us a happily ever after? Or will it also help me to find my way out of your life again?